lets just say, today is going to be a highly emotional day.

i didnt have a chance to spend the day with you.
lets just hope that i have enough money to go celebrate your 21st with you in Brisbane.
hopefully i do.
and i hope you still have my foam octopus.
the one that i gave you when you went to Cambodia.
the purple one?
yeah.
PASTE IT ON YOUR STUDY TABLE WHEN YOU'RE AT KIWI LAND!
i'll miss you loads.
i'll download skype just for you and get a mic so i can chat with you online.
i'll miss you.
all thats left is an oreo cheesecake and an iced latte.
<3

alright. so i kind of passed all my modules this semester.
but GPA is like shit now. HAHA.
next sem is the time to pull everything up.

GO CHAPTER 9 GO!


i can so do this.

nasri arieyanto says:
okay
you in the shadows among those who dont know you right.
nessa.
you will always have the limelight when it comes to us
(:

he always says things to make me start crying like a baby.

random much?

1. i love cheese but i hate cheese cakes.
2. ENO is the bomb.
3. i hate walking down the stairs/escalators.
4. i'm scared of clowns.
5. i'm scared of walking over drains.
6. the best thing on waffles is peanut butter and jelly.
7. i hate butter. but peanut butter is the best shit ever.
8. when i say you're my friend. i mean it.
9. my best friend is a guy.
10. i absolutely hate it when people dont reply my messages.
11. i'm scared of picking up calls from unknown numbers.
12. i have too many books.
13. on that note, i've read all my books at least twice.
14. which reminds me that i need to clear out some books of mine.
15. i get hungry at the weirdest times.
16. my fridge only has junk food in it.
17. i write too damn much for my own good.
18. i hardly get angry.
19. i mostly get pissed and annoyed.
20. samantha is the only one who's ever seen me angry and she knows the reason why. BETTER DONT LAUGH.
21. i have big dreams.
22. i hate instant noodle.
    
23. i cannot survive without rice.
24. i cant stand people without goals or ambitions.
25. im bisexual.
26. lady gaga is the shit.
27. i love my carbs.
28. i can swim 75 laps without stopping but i can't run 2 laps.
29. i'm very emotional.
30. but i can be totally insensitive.
31. i'm a real bitch. my friends can vouch for that.
32. i'm a real sucker for hugs. (they make me cry.)
33. i'm extremely lazy.
34. i've written and published a story.
35. crying helps me to think.
36. i love my godfamily to the point that i think i might die without either one of them. (alvin included.)
37. escuadra is the bestest shit ever.
38. and by the way, i came up with that name.
39. i name my pillows.
40. i get bored with my hair easily.
41. i like to pretend that im a pop star.
42. i hate kids. to me, they're the spawn of satan.
43. i have road rage even before i drive.
44. my mother and i have a love/hate relationship.
45. the best breakfast in the world is Fruit Loops with choc milk.
46. Nutella and whole meal bread comes in a close second.
47. the best pick me up is Red Bull with alot alot alot of ice.
48. best shitting recipe is prata and teh peng.
49. i had a real life husband since secondary school.
50. i fear the weighing machine now.

im done for now.

it fucking hurts when you're lifted so high only to set you up for the greatest fall.
i was screaming on the phone with euphoria when you suddenly caused my heart to break apart.
i dont know why you did what you did.

heartbroken.
emotionally crippled.
barely existing.
all.your.fault.

these are the times when i dont know what you want out of me.

just let me be alone to think.
and to be stronger.
you wont be seeing tears out of my eyes.
no, not anymore.

throughout everything that's been so confusing lately. its amazing that i can find somethings that are constant in my life. like her.
to me, its amazing as to how she hasnt change. she's been there for me through the best and the worst. and now, through the worst of confusions. it doesnt matter how complicated we are, she makes it simply that. simple. its funny how her comments can just slap you in the face and tell you that what you've been doing is wrong. it doesnt matter what you say to her. she'll still stick by you. just dont ask her why.
she's constantly not here. but when she is. its like she never left. and i love the way she does it.
here's to you.

i dont need anyone but you.
thats why i'm here begging you please dont go.

All I wanted was to be by your side. To comfort you when you're down. I want to be next to you when you're down to pick you up. I want you to know that you're the pinnacle of my day. I want you know know that there isn't a second that doesnt pass that I dont think of you. I want you to know that you're constantly in my heart.
I know that I have no right to have any claim. I know i have no right to say anything. But I hope that I have a right to love you.

reflejo.

so one outing with sam left me in tears and breathless.
because i was so touched.
so we had dinner and we were supposed to go out and have donuts but the damn shop was gonna close. so change of plans. we went to have amazing banana cake as Han's. which was cheap and really really good. haha.
so we decided to have a long talk sitting outside Novena.
we talked about almost everything. like how we've been friends for 13 years. and that one line she said. made me cry. even thinking about it now it's making me cry too. maybe its cause i'm highly emotional. but thats not it. i guess it because its the last person i'd hear from. or maybe because i thought i would hear it from someone else. but i know i wont hear it from her.
so Sam, remember the pact that we made. until we're 35. or can change to 40? haha. when i said i'll be a friend to you. i'll be. even if its the past 13 years. for the next 30 years. we'll still be friends.

this goes to you guys out there. who i consider my friends.



monday was Benjamin Button.
amazing show i tell you. even though it made me cry every so often.
the even more amazing part was that my eyeliner didnt smudge. haha.
and it amazes me as to how a big guy like him is so afraid of the cold.


andimafraidoflosingyou.


i dont want to change for you.
i am happy with the way i am now.
even though i'm not perfect, im not complaining.
i dont want you to tie me down.
not you, not you.
i can do better.
i'm not going to change because of you.
so please, dont change because of me.
you'll find out that its not worth it.

as of now, I DO NOT BELIEVE IN CHRIS BROWN.
never ever hit Princess RiRi.
she the queen.

i got my laptop back.
SO IT MEANS THAT IM ONLINE AGAIN.
so many things to do, so little time.
i should be back soon!

it seems that CS can tell the future know?
its funny how this year, valentine's day iss so close to each other.
i think the chinese ppl know.

movie.
and hopefully pay comes in real soon.


i had no idea how many notebooks i had.
and how many songs i've written.
so now, its just music to the words. and success!

im like.secretly counting down the days.